Fox Becomes Addicted to Cheese
Fox Mcloud, the legendary legionnaire of Lylat, was once again spending his days at his new favorite restaraunt, Admiral Z's House O' Cheese in Downtown Corneria City. Did we mention the sun was shining, and that the day was quite pretty? "This is the life!" said Fox, eating his macaroni with a melodramatic sigh. "And this mac and cheese is awesome, and that ain't no lie!". Suddenly Fox heard a beep coming from his back pocket. He reached in and pulled out his cell phone. General Peppy had texted him. "Get your butt into space!" read the text message displayed. Fox had no clue that any missions had been delayed. Fox hastened to his arwing and contacted Peppy. "This is a priority one mission, Fox, where the heck have you been? I need you to protect innocent Cornerian men and women!" "I'm sorry General! I have this strange new addiction, to this food product called cheese. It comes from cattle, just like honey comes from bees!" replied Fox. "No time for nonsense, in war soldier! What's the big idea? What happened to the tough guy in you?" said General Peppy. "I LIKE CHEESE NOW! I'm like a whole new arwing pilot!" replied Fox. "Fox, you must have no idea how serious this threat is to the Lylat System!" said General Peppy. "What is it this time General, sir? Is it Andross, Anglars, that giant robot Fantron, or legions of battle crazed Pokemon?" asked Fox. "Something's changed about you Fox. You're acting bizzare. Now get your act together, and keep your mercernary duties up to par! Andross's forces have built a huge artillary base on Titania! You must destroy it!" said Peppy. Fox cleared his throat, he had to get his mind off of cheese. He gathered up some fuel cells, and blasted off into the far galaxies. When he reached Titania, he witnessed his wing-men as they were losing an Arwing dogfight. Star Wolf was up to their old tricks again. "Surrender, fools!" shouted Wolf O' Donnel. He locked on to three targets, Slippy, Falco, and Rob. But Fox dropped a large nova bomb on the entire Star Wolf Team, and he finished the job. Their ships were destroyed, they blew up in smoke. Directly afterwards, Slippy let out a loud croak. "GOOD JOB FOX!" said Slippy with glee. But the Star Fox team was far from victory. Directly ahead, came a large attack carrier. Fox tried to destroy it, but it seemed all but impervious to his attacks. "There's a protective blue field circling that attack carrier!" said Falco. Fox had been reading about "Legendary Magical Blue Cheese" a mystical kind of cheese that would protect oneself and vehicles from attacks. "That attack carrier's protective force field must be powered by magical blue cheese!" shouted Fox. "We have to disable it!" "That's ludicrous!" squawked Falco. "A force field powered by blue cheese? You've been out in the sun too long Fox!". "No, listen to me, I know this! I've been reading about what Legendary Lylation Magical Blue Cheese can do to power protective force fields! It's being secretly tested in the Cornerian military already! Andross's forces already have them!" said Fox. "We're SITTING DUCKS! We could be blown down to smithereens any second with a huge mind-bending nova bomb! Fox, there is no cornerian military. We ARE the cornerian military, or at least the closest thing to it! I declare myself the new leader of this team, Fox's brains have become melted cheese! He's as crazy as a fox, and to top it all off, he IS a fox!" said Falco. "Do you know how to disable such a force field?" asked Slippy in an inquisitive toad-ish tone. "Yes, as a matter of fact I do! It's a good thing I brought my frickin' fireball cannon!" said Fox. Fox began to land his arwing. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? We're in the heat of a damned battle and you're landing your ship? That's it, I'm gonna shoot you, I don't want to, but you've gone insane, you're a liability now!" shouted Falco. Sure enough, Fox pulled out his fireball cannon designed for on-foot sniper work, aimed it at the protective blue force field, shot at it, and it melted into thin air, just like the fine art of melting cheese. Afterwards, Fox pulled out his other weapon, his plasma gun, and began blasting the attack carrier to pieces. It exploded, and lying in the rubble of the explosion were huge packets of blue cheese. The rest of the teammates began to stare in shock. Fox proudly returned into his arwing, and began communicating wtih his team-mates. "I told you so! Now let's take out that artillary base!" said Fox. "The artillary base? Who said anything about an artillary base? We've surveyed the entire planet, and it's not even a very large planet! There couldn't possibly be an artillary base here!" said Falco. "Oh, couldn't there be? It's the fog, you stupid canary!" shouted Fox. "We need to activate the weather control device and make the fog clear up!" said Fox. So Fox activated the weather control device, and cleared up the fog and rain. Then, they saw the large artillary base in front of them. "Oh...you were...right, I guess, for once!" said Falco. Falco and Fox were famous for insulting each other. "Now all we have to do is blow it up!" said Fox, unleashing a large nova bomb on the artillary base!" "WHAT? Think of the fallout from all the weapons in there!" said Falco. "There are no weapons in that base! It's all blue cheese!" said Fox. In the rubble of the artillary base, were yet again, thousands of packets of blue cheese. "WHAT? Where are we? Kirby's Dream Land?" shouted Falco. "Stop doubting Fox so much! He's a good leader! We should trust him!" exclaimed Slippy. "Why are all the interplanetary militaries all suddenly obsessed with CHEESE as a weapon source?" asked Falco. "It's not just any cheese. It's a magical kind passed down from generations of reptillian Saurian sorceror overlords from Dinosaur Planet!" said Fox. "Oh. I suppose Krystal informed you of this?" wondered Falco. "KRYSTAL!" shouted Fox. "OH boy, here we go again!" said Slippy. "No, it's not that Slippy. It's that it's Valentine's Day today and I've forgotten to give Krystal her present!" said Fox. "Hmm...Why don't you take some of the blue cheese lying on the ground, store it in your arwing, and fly back home to give it to Krystal for Valentine's Day!" suggested Slippy. "I'm not sure if Krystal wants that. She doesn't seem to like the fact I spend so much time at Admiral Z's in Downtown Corneria City!" said Fox. "Hmm...say Fox, we're going to continue to take out Andross's forces. We're contacting General Peppy right now, we're going to tell him you've become a cheese addict and that you're retiring from your service in the airforce! So long!" said Slippy. "No, even I have to admit that's a little bit cruel of an idea! You can just send her a cheese packet so she'll get it when you come home from battle!" said Falco. "Okay!" said Fox. So Fox sent Krystal 2 packets of blue cheese as a late Valentine's Day present. After the war was waged and won, Fox returned to Corneria, hoping that this gift of blue cheese would win him Krystal's hand in marriage. Was Fox ever mistaken... BLUE CHEESE FOR A BLUE LADY? One day Fox visited Krystal's appartment in Corneria City. Fox had sent Krystal a late Valentine's Day gift, two packets of blue cheese, encased in wrapping paper in a large heart shaped box. Krystal was puzzled. "You look beautiful!" said Fox. "Thanks Fox. Umm...what is this stuff you gave me? When I said I wanted you to give me things on Valentine's Day, I...err. didn't mean..this. I mean, it's the thought that counts though, well, I mean, I like it and everything, but what is it?" asked Krystal. Krystal was not familiar with cheese, or even packages or wrapping paper. She was born on a jungle planet, with very little civilization. Fox was quick to respond. "It's cheese. Blue cheese, especially for you, because I love cheese, and I love you, so I thought I'd get blue cheese, since your fur color is blue, and cheese always makes me think of you, so I thought I'd combine my love of cheese and my love of you on Valentine's Day!" said Fox. "Really? That's really sweet of you Fox! Oh wait, did you say cheese? CHEESE? Isn't that a disease that Cerinian dung beetles get?" asked Krystal hesitantly. "What? No it means a different thing on Corneria then it does in Cerinian language!" said Fox with a sheepish embarresed grin. "Oh...okay. So, this cheese, stuff, you eat it then?" asked Krystal. "Uhh..yeah! You eat it, just like you would eat CHOCOLATE! You eat it the way you would eat chocolate, but it..tastes like, chicken, yeah that's right. It tastes like chicken!" said Fox. Fox was always nervous around girls and said odd things without thinking. Krystal unwrapped the packaging and took a bite out of the blue cheese. "EEEEEEEEEEEEK!" screamed Krystal. "This is the worst stuff I've ever eaten!" said Krystal. "I'm sorry!" said Fox. "You should be ashamed of yourself! You're trying to poison me aren't you?" said Krystal. "No, Krystal, I would never do that!" said Fox. After a quick trip to the little fox's room and back, Krystal took a look at the bubble wrap that had covered up the cheese packaging. "Wow, what's this stuff? I've never seen stuff like this on Planet Cerinia, or Sauria!" said Krystal, who was thrilled and delighted. "It's..bubble wrap!" said Fox. "I LOVE IT! Thanks Fox, this is the best Valentine's Day gift you could have given me! I'm sorry I got mad at you! But as payback for making me eat that disgusting cheese, you're going to have to eat all of it!" said Krystal. "I'd be glad to. I happen to like cheese!" said Fox. Fox gobbled up the rest of the blue cheese in one bite, licking his chops in delight. "I REALLY like cheese! But not as much as I like you and your sparkly Cerinian eyes!" said Fox. Krystal stared in shock for an entire minute.